Fear, anxiety and nervousness are strange emotions. For some they create fire in their belly which drives them on; for others they generate avoidance or procrastination. Whether it’s a new project, difficult client, presentation, networking event, expressing how you really feel about a matter, or something personal – most human beings experience less than positive emotions, at some stage in their life. Equally, one person’s fear can be another’s excitement; that’s what makes us all unique and interesting!
I run something called The Personal Effectiveness Programme and on one of the modules we study confidence and I encourage the delegates to set themselves a ‘Big Hairy Audacious Goal, (BHAG)’.
This requires bravery.
I recently completed a profile and it turns out, being brave isn’t one of my strengths. I think the bravest thing I ever did was set up Beee…but that was 11 years ago. Running a business doesn’t seem like a brave thing to do; I rarely feel fearful these days. However, there are some areas of my personal life, where I could do to ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway!’
My sister has lived in Buenos Aires (BA) for the last 12 years and I was sending something to her; the Post Mistress asked me who it was. I told her and she asked if I’d ever been to visit. I blushed and said that I hadn’t, as I was too scared to go. She’d pricked my conscience. I’ve got to practice what I preach; those of you that I’ve trained, will remember that my BHAG was to go and see my sister, so in the end, I felt the fear and just booked the tickets anyway.
So if we are feeling fearful, anxious or nervous, how can we deal with it?
- Identify what specifically it is you are afraid of. Write it down if it helps. I had quite a long list of things: What would it be like to travel alone? Is BA safe? Many years ago the government emptied their citizen’s bank accounts; as you might expect, this caused considerable unrest. I’d heard a few horror stories such as people being mugged and thrown into the boot of cars. My sister had been held up in an armed robbery in a boutique. Did the Argentines like the British? (Don’t mention the war etc.) Would my husband and daughter be OK without me?
- Answer your ‘What if’s’ and identify your Plan B. What if I get on the wrong plane or I don’t know what to do at the airport? I feel ridiculous typing this now. Believe it or not, I have travelled all over the world, just with other people. Answer: You’ll flipping go and buy another ticket and catch the right one!! Or – you’ll ask for help!! That’s the thing with worries, they go around and round in your head; you have to exorcise them!
- Mentally rehearse things going the way you want them to go using Havening. If having answered your ‘What if’s’ you’re still feeling the fear, you can use Havening to embed a positive outcome and to get rid of the negative emotions. Once I’d booked my ticket, every time I told someone what I was doing, my stomach would flip and I’d pull an ‘eek’ face; I’d still not sorted myself out. I use ‘Outcome Havening’ quite a lot with my coaching clients; it’s really easy to do. This is how to do it for yourself:
- Close your eyes and begin imagining your ideal outcome
- As you do this, start the Havening touch: stroke your face, palms of your hands and from your shoulders down to your elbows. It doesn’t matter which order you do it in – but you get the most serotonin from touching your face!
- As you imagine your ideal outcome ensure that you deal with every hurdle or *fear – see and hear it going the way you want things to go. My movie ran from the minute I left the house to walking the streets of BA.
- Repeat until your negative feelings have dissipated.
*For trauma or phobia, I would recommend you seek out a qualified Havening Practitioner. To find out more about the efficacy of Havening, see here.
Well, I have been back from Argentina for just over 2 weeks and I have to say it was one of the most magical things I have ever done. Wonderful to have had proper sister time and to see her life.
Did I feel the fear whilst I was out there? Erm no!! It was bizarre. I kept saying to my sister, ‘I’m that calm it feels surreal.’ I was probably a little too calm at one point, as I left my purse on a market stall whilst looking at some belts. I got told off by my sister and the stall owner. Hilarious.
The moral of my story is, as the book says, feel the fear and do it anyway, because what’s on the other side of that feeling, could be pretty damn brilliant – just imagine the sense of achievement! Finally, get in the habit of pushing your comfort zone; I’m wondering what I could do next. As Baz Luhrmann once said: Do one thing every day that scares you.
