Have you ever come across someone in your business or personal life that has been undermining, dismissive or boastful and you allowed yourself to feel small, inadequate or not good enough?
When I was growing up my Mum used to refer to this as \’besting competitions\’. I can remember saying when I was about 10, \’Well, I\’m going to get my hair permed at the weekend!’ as a way of one-upmanship – hilarious when I look back. This wasn\’t true, but I didn\’t have anything to metaphorically throw back. I have conveniently blocked out what happened when I turned up to school, minus the corkscrew perm!
Isn’t it funny how this playground behaviour can be alive and kicking in business too? Understanding what authentic confidence is about, can help you to minimise the impact of negative behaviour directed at you. For example, is someone that acts as if they are more superior to you, coming from a good place? What makes them behave that way?
Conversely, have you ever met someone that is just comfortable in their own skin? They are not trying to get one over on anyone, seem happy and manage a positive work-life. You naturally want to follow them if they’re a leader. Or, they’re one of those friends that are simply good to be around. Confidence can make the difference between a poor and an excellent performing employee.
Here are 23 things you can do to be more authentically confident. I’ve written it as a quiz so that you can gauge what your development areas might be, (it’s boring to be a perfect 10!)
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Score: |
| 1. I am able to set my ego aside; I don’t engage in boastful behaviour in order to make myself feel better or superior. | |
| 2. I don\’t need others to say that I’m good at something, in order to feel good enough; I feel that within. | |
| 3. I know what my strengths are and I’m comfortable with them. | |
| 4. I am comfortable with my weaknesses. I don’t spend energy trying to cover them up. | |
| 5. I communicate adult to adult: I put myself on the same level, regardless of the other person’s position or status. I am respectful. | |
| 6. I don\’t always have to be right…have the final word…act as a ‘know it all’. | |
| 7. I can accept when I’m wrong and apologise if necessary. | |
| 8. I don’t over-apologise. | |
| 9. I can express my opinions without fear of judgement from others or trying to fit it. | |
| 10. I express my opinions with positive intent. | |
| 11. I communicate in an open, honest and direct way. | |
| 12. I don’t need to criticise others in order to feel good about myself. | |
| 13. I trust my instincts to make decisions that affect me, based on my own reasoning, not what others think I should do. | |
| 14. I am able to engage in, calm, unhurried, upright physiology, when I need to. | |
| 15. I can handle constructive feedback. | |
| 16. I look for the positive in others and am able to accept their shortcomings. | |
| 17. I can give a compliment. | |
| 18. I take pride in my work, but don’t have to be perfect. | |
| 19. I can accept when I have made a mistake without labelling myself a failure. | |
| 20. I don’t take myself too seriously. | |
| 21. I don’t need to hide behind a façade. | |
| 22. If something negative happens, I am able to work my way around to the ‘bright side’. I am generally a positive thinker. | |
| 23. I can be myself without the approval of others. |
So, what are you going to do more / less of? What did you learn about yourself?
If you are struggling with confidence, you could take advantage of our Free Discovery Session, (worth £340 + VAT). You could sample how we help our clients through coaching to deal with things like limiting beliefs, which can prevent people from realising their full potential and performing to their best. We are using tools such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Havening Technique™ and are seeing some really transformational results!
