Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is to keep doing what you are doing and expect a different result.
I was part of a local community WhatsApp group. Its original positive purpose and intention was to keep people connected and share useful information. I exited this group when someone said, @I\’ve got a frog in my garden, what should I do?\’, 43 messages later and still no pearls of wisdom. Had I not been the unsociable git that I can be sometimes and responded, my advice would have been: ‘Let it hop away?’.
As a result of COVID-19 I got another invitation to re-join the group. Reluctantly I said yes. I agreed because it seemed like the right thing to do in the event of any of our neighbours needing help or support if they got sick.
Recently the group has got worse. They have bonded angrily on the topic of a phantom dog pooer. They have put up notices which threaten to throw the dog muck in the owner’s face, if they are caught leaving said turd on the ground. They’ve taken videos of poo bags dangling from trees. They have arranged to have not one, but two metal signs on a gate saying the same thing about picking up your muck. They share expletives and angry face emoji’s in the group whenever anyone makes a poop post.
There is lots of hate for the phantom dog pooer. Imagine my horror when I happened to torment myself and check in on the group to see if any ‘useful’ information was being shared, only to spot a bag of our poo!! I knew it was ours as we have an extra large dog, who requires extra large signature bags. This generated a wave of angry messages suspecting someone on our housing development. There were threats of installing CCTV.
With sweaty fingers I sent a message to my husband to find out whether he left the offending poo bag on the street. I was feeling threatened by my own community and felt angry about this. I started to question the purpose of the group again.
Now, lets say you are the phantom pooer, if you’ve not started picking it up by now, (this saga has been going on for years and they always rip down the homemade signs), is there really anything else that could be done…other than install CCTV on the country path, which they don’t own?
If you’re thinking what a load of nonsense and have read this far. Congrats. This is a load of nonsense. I was so cross with myself for getting sucked into another useless set of messages. It raised several questions:
1. How were the messages serving me?
2. On balance, is being part of the group helpful or hindering?
3. How are the messages serving them…other than giving themselves blood pressure?
4. Has anyone stopped to think whether what they are doing is working?
This group is subtracting from my life. Once COVID-19 is over, I will be exiting again.
As I began to think about this topic more deeply, (adding and subtracting not dog poo), I thought about the broader applications in work-life and started to develop a simple formula to challenge the effectiveness of some of my clients’ actions and behaviours. In my mind, every single thing we do can either add or subtract from our work-life and you can apply this principle to any context. Here are some examples:
Business Owner / Leader
I coach business leaders / owners. I seem to attract clients with similar traits. They are responsible, tenacious, successful, good eggs, who, if not kept in check, will take on the duties of others and fill in the gaps of those that are not pulling their weight. This leads them to be overly busy, working long hours, stressed and sometimes close to burn out.
This is the questioning sequence I ask to establish if activities are adding or taking away:
1. What is their vision or north star? What are they heading towards?
2. What are the goals which will lead them towards their vision?
3. Which tasks are adding towards #1 and #2 above?
4. Which tasks are subtracting away from #1 and #2 above?
Emails, Messages, Social Media
How many times are we sucked into emails, messages and social media? I can easily get sucked down a rabbit hole and lose an hour ‘researching’ if I’m not careful.
Simply ask yourself:
Is what I’m about to do, going to add or subtract from whatever it is that I am trying to achieve?
If you don’t know what you’re trying to achieve, clarify the task / goal / vision / aim / purpose or objective first.
Meetings:
Oh my goodness me. I hear so many stories about people attending purposeless meetings. Simply ask yourself:
1. What is the purpose?
2. Is what I’m about to do, going to add or subtract from whatever it is that I am trying to achieve?
Relationships:
If you catch yourself being triggered by what someone has said to you, whether that’s a family member, friend or work colleague, before you act, ask the same question!
Health:
Just before you grab that salted caramel Gu cheesecake from the fridge, (as I did last night), you’ve got it, ask the same question.
I had the cheesecake. Thought I deserved it and got a good dopamine hit whilst I was troughing it.
If you’re thinking this all sounds a bit selfish, I agree. My advice is meant for the good eggs I mentioned above, where there is often an imbalance of giving and receiving. They fail to prioritise themselves. They self-sabotage and don’t always get the results they deserve.
If any of the subjects have piqued your interest, why not book a Free Coaching Discovery session here?
So, the phantom pooer, was it us…(our dogs ?)?! Nope. I hate dog muck on a path as much as my vigilante WhatsApp group members. My husband was on a walk loop and picked up the bag 20 minutes later.
