Boundaries come up repeatedly during my coaching conversations with clients. Often it’s because the now adult experienced enmeshment as a child.
They got used to supressing their feelings for the sake of the parent. The child became responsible and took care of the parent’s emotional needs, when it should have been the other way around.
This pattern then continues into adulthood and causes problems:
1) The adult ‘forgets’ about their own emotional needs and puts everyone else’s needs first.
2) Over time this creates frustration, resentment and burnout.
3) They take on the burden of other people’s issues and others get used to burdening them with their issues – because that’s what everyone is used to!
The solution?
Boundaries.
Consider:
- What are you unconsciously saying yes to, that you would like to say no to?
- What would work better for you?
- How can you take care of your needs?
There are a variety of ways in which we can create boundaries:
1) Agree your new rule in your head, e.g. I am not going to take on this person’s issue. I’m going to suggest they get help elsewhere. Then stick to it, even when the other person ‘negotiates’ by pushing back.
2) Use technology, e.g. autoresponder, switching pings off, turning do not disturb on.
3) Give yourself space. Hobbies create great natural boundaries and take care of you. I paddle it out whenever I need to press reset.
Wishing you all the very best.
Estelle Read
Coach, Trainer, Speaker and Best Selling Author
P.S. If this resonates with you and you have a change you would like to make. You can book a free discovery call here.
P.P.S. You can find out more about our flagship SHINE Coaching Programme here.
