In a recent group coaching programme I raised the issue of self-sabotage. This was because they were setting themselves BHAG’s / Visions which they would like to manifest and would require consistent effort to achieve.
It takes the average person 66 days to embed a new habit or behaviour. Throw into the mix limiting beliefs and feelings about the change we want to make, the constant grit and determination of embedding the habit, no wonder change is challenging.
I am working on a project (my BHAG), which is challenging me on many levels. The other week I was ready to throw the towel in – to self-sabotage. When we self-sabotage, there’s often a limiting belief supporting the limiting behaviour. For example, I kept thinking, ‘This is too hard. I can’t do it’. I noticed I kept saying the same thing both in my head and to my husband.
This was the clue that it required some deep change work.
I have done a lot of self-development over the years, most of which has involved havening, which is like a magic eraser on events which created limited beliefs, behaviours and feelings.
If you catch yourself thinking the same negative thing, over and over, often it means you have been triggered by ‘old stuff’. The old stuff being a childhood event. I realised this was the case for me, so I sat and reflected on a time in the past when I felt like I couldn’t do something.
I was age 7 and playing the recorder at a school concert. As an introverted child, I didn’t like being on show. I felt nervous and pressure to perform. As I was reading the music I lost my place, (I’m laughing as I type this), so I finger mimed. After that one intense event I felt like it was too hard and I couldn’t do it, (spot the same language). After that event, I ended my career as a recorder player.
When kids experience intense shame or embarrassment, the event quickly gets encoded in the brain, so that you can avoid experiencing it again. We then come to the wrong conclusions about that scenario, which results in limiting beliefs, behaviours and feelings.
So What Can You Do About It?
You haven it. You cheat change. Instead of wasting 66 days trying to avoid the path of least resistance and self-sabotaging, you scramble the neural pathway where the childhood memory was encoded, so that it doesn’t work anymore. This gives the person the space to be themselves, without being triggered into the limiting behaviours, beliefs and emotions within that context.
For example, I’ve seen many presenters who’d avoided presenting because they were shamed in the classroom or on stage when they were young. Once the related events are havened away, they are free to present without fear and do so!
Wishing you all the very best.
Estelle Read
Coach, Trainer, Speaker and Best Selling Author at Beee
P.S. If this resonates with you and you have a change you would like to make. You can book a free discovery call here.
P.P.S If you’re ready to conquer self-doubt, stress and imposter syndrome, you can find my SHINE Coaching Programme here.
