When we shrink our space we’re at risk of being taken advantage of. We give off a different vibe. Think about the animal kingdom.
When I run assertiveness workshops, I talk about it being the equivalent of holding up a white flag, which gives the impression we can be walked over. For our boundaries to be breached. It’s not intentional, it\’s unconscious.
It absolutely does NOT mean that people have permission or that we should blame ourselves if people mis-treat us.
The trouble is, humans read one another at an unconscious level. Is this person a threat or not?
In my first job, my boss thought it was OK to pat my rear whenever I was by the photocopier.
I was young, naïve, and trying to navigate office politics. It was the 90s. I wasn’t clear about what was and wasn’t acceptable. I was also under the threat of dismissal. I was meek, mild, passive & didn’t feel great about myself.
He’d have got short shrift if he’d tried that on now. But here’s the thing, I don’t think he’d dare.
To Own Our Space We Need To:
✅ Stop minimising ourselves through our language e.g. being over apologetic. Be unapologetically yourself.
✅ Own our physical space by broadening out our physiology, so that we not only look more confident, but we also give ourselves a waft of testosterone, which will increase feelings of confidence and power.
As Amy Cuddy says, ‘fake it until you become it’.
✅ Get clear on what our boundaries are. What’s acceptable and unacceptable to you?
✅ Feedback when something isn’t OK. I like to use the SBI + R model:
➡️ Situation
➡️ Behaviour
➡️ Impact
➡️ Request
There is a happy ending to the story. The boss got moved on because guess who else was underperforming!
Wishing you all the very best.
Estelle Read
Coach, Trainer, Speaker and Best Selling Author at Beee
P.S. If this resonates with you and you have a change you would like to make. You can book a free discovery call here.
P.P.S If you’re ready to conquer self-doubt, stress and imposter syndrome, you can find my SHINE Coaching Programme here.
