I made some [now] comical errors yesterday, which reminded me of the mistakes we can make as leaders….and human beings.
Let me set the scene: I\’m helping out on a school trip with a bunch of children aged between 5 and 8 at one of those ‘discovery’ centres, (code for: let em run wild in the woods). It\’s -1° and as soon as the kids step off the coach, they are slipping over like skittles in a bowling alley. This isn’t a good start for me, as my personal mission is to basically return all, (don’t lose any on the way) kids unharmed. I’m used to looking after one child so I’m feeling the weight of responsibility.
I’ve been assigned a group of three lovely girls. Inside I’m sighing a sigh of relief – an easy team. Then the teacher, gives me an extra one; the ‘naughty’ child. I’ll call him “Burt”. I don’t know him personally, but I’ve heard stories from the other kids and parents. I like to see the best in people and I smile at him. Burt just stares at me with gritted teeth. Ever inherited a member of staff like this?
Mistake No. 1
I brush this encounter off and don’t think anything more of it. He was letting me know that he wasn’t happy and giving me an indication of his state of mind – I’d switched my radar off because I was on ‘holiday’. How often do we ignore non-verbal clues? It takes emotional intelligence as a leader, to do something with the information people are giving us at an unconscious level and respond appropriately.
It turned out that this poor kid was having a bit of a personal struggle. In business we are told to leave our personal lives at home, however, don’t we bring the whole person to work? People behave in a certain way for a reason. Should it be our job to find out what that reason is? Demonstrating some understanding as leaders and connecting with our team as individuals can earn us lasting loyalty. If we can positively influence someone’s state of mind, surely they’re more inclined to perform better?
We’re doing orienteering; another yay! My husband and I had our first domestic over a map – I had it upside down. Our objective was to find nine clues within 40 minutes. Last one back is a loser and all that. There were some real stalwarts (code for very experienced) on this trip; lovely mums who’d been helping out for years.
Mistake No. 2
I created unnecessary pressure through negative thinking. We set off and already I\’m feeling the competition. I look around and all the other adults have got the only map assigned to their team, in their hands. Will I be the last parent back? What if I get the least clues? How does that type of thinking help you as a leader? Where was my inner coach at that moment?! (On holiday).
Mistake No. 3
You’ve got it. There’s no ‘I’ in team. In this context, it wasn’t about me delivering the result. It wasn’t about winning either; it was about the kids learning to orienteer. How could they do that if I had the map? How often do we meddle and do the doing as leaders? Where is the opportunity for team growth? It was my job to coach and elicit an outcome. Asking lots of open questions, (starting with What, How, Where, When, Which and Who), to identify solutions would have helped.
My behaviour was starting to antagonise Burt; he was ignoring any instructions I gave. He disappeared off into the woods…he could run really fast and the other ‘little darlings’ were walking really slowly; doing their best to avoid the ice. Panic sets in. I can hear my high pitched voice… “Burt come back! Burt! Buuuurt! You don’t want me to tell the teacher do you?”
Mistake No. 4
I was using the metaphorical stick to force him to behave differently. To be fair it did stop him in his tracks and he came back, but it didn’t do anything to build trust in our relationship. How do we perform under someone that we don’t trust? Do we act willingly or hold a grudge?
After my out of body experience hearing myself shout, my radar is back on. He wanted the map and he had an idea of where the next clue was. Turns out, with a bit of coaching, this kid was better at orienteering than the adult in charge!
Mistake No. 5
Sometimes as leaders we let our egos get in the way. Often we are promoted because we are technically brilliant and as we are at top of the tree, we put ourselves under pressure to be the all-knowing being. Considering what everyone else is good at and assigning tasks that focus on their strengths, can help you win…more.
My relationship was beginning to improve with this young man; I’d got him on side, but I’d spent most of my attention trying to manage the situation with him and had neglected the ‘little darlings’. Mutiny breaks out and they begin to fight over who is holding the pencil.
Mistake No. 6
Failing to correct the behaviour and/or focusing all your attention on the ‘naughty’ person, can result in you losing good will from the other team members. Remember to keep all plates spinning; don’t take your good performers for granted and share yourself around.
Mistake No. 7
When the panic set in earlier, Daisy looked up at me and said \”Are we lost mummy?\” My daughter’s strength is that she is very emotionally intelligent, and doesn’t miss an emotional trick. The truth is, we were lost, because I’d lost my cool. In challenging times the team look to the leader for reassurance. Are we OK or not? We inadvertently lead team state through our mirror neurons and therefore we need to lead the state of mind we want to breed.
So, we are on the home-straight and have 5 minutes to find our way back to base. I brief the team on their mission. One of the other children is in charge of the map; Burt doesn’t like this and goes charging off again. I can see that he is running, (having reminded him about the ice), but in the right direction and decide that it is OK to let him go. He slips and injures his knees.
Mistake No. 8
I feel terrible. He has hurt himself on my watch. I question whether it’s my fault. As leaders we have to accept that some things are out of our control and capability. If we lead with good intentions, meet them half-way and try to connect with the person and they still choose to behave inappropriately, ultimately that is their choice. (The obvious small print being that the way we treat children requires something different). Equally, it takes an enlightened leader to acknowledge when something is beyond their experience, (when I watched the teacher handle Burt, she made it look so easy), and to know when to get professional help, such as enlisting your HR or legal team, a counsellor or a coach.
Mistake No. 9
Leading without a clear strategy; there was no plan. Had this been set within a business context, I\’d like to think I wouldn’t have made the same mistakes; different contexts can throw you off balance. Some useful questions would have been:
- Am I clear about the real objective here? Is there a secondary, unspoken goal?
- What are my team strengths?
- What is my role as leader?
- What behaviour is appropriate?
- What state of mind do I need to be in?
- What’s my team’s back-story? What do I need to be aware of?
Mistake No. 10
Labelling our outcomes as mistakes or failures. As humans we are fallible….we can’t possibly do everything perfectly. If we put everything that doesn’t go quite according to plan in the box of ‘failure’, how does that serve us as a leader going forward? Are they mistakes or is it learning? If you genuinely reflect on your actions and think about what you would do differently next time, I would class this as learning. Remember it’s a mis-take; you can redirect a better movie next time. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist).
